25.6.06

exploding head.

mother's talking, complaining non-stop to her sister on how useless her daughters are.
degrading, yes.
demoralising, yes.
feels like shit, yes.
heart wrenching, yes.
mom, if you want to complain, complain to us. dont need to tell everyone who's not living in this house, who doesn't even know us that well, about your problems.
sometimes i feel so insignificant in this family. this house. i really do. and im feeling it now.
everything is going topsy turvy. i feel like everything happening is wrong, and its me who made it wrong. i don't know maybe its just me.
24hours a day is not enough. im rushing for time like i just missed the train to a faraway country. i have deadlines to meet, projects to finish. family to please, boyfriend to please and friends to please.
i have no time for myself. much less pampering, enjoying, treating my ill forsaken body. every single month i fall sick. i take my pills, vitamins yada yada. still..
i love my work i really do. but the people supporting my back who is at home, are not making
me happy. it'll be better if i just keep quite and let them bombared me with their complaints and useless mindless rants.
i truly am, enjoying this song at the moment..

Green Day - Give me Novacaine

Take away the sensation inside,Bittersweet migraine in my head,It's like a throbbing toothache,Of the mind,I can't take this feeling anymore
Drain the pressure from the swelling,The sensations overwhelming,Give me a long kiss goodnight,And everything'll be alright,Tell me that I won't feel a thing
so give me novacaine
Out of body and out of mind,Kiss the demons out of my dreams,I get the funny feeling and that's alright,Jimmy says it's better than air
Drain the pressure from the swelling,The sensations overwhelming,Give me a long kiss goodnight,And everything'll be alright,Tell me that I won't feel a thing
so give me novacaine
Drain the pressure from the swelling,The sensations overwhelming,Give me a long kiss goodnight,And everything'll be alright,Tell me, Jimmy, I won't feel a thing
so give me novacaine..

-end-

:: she posted @ 6:09 AM ::

12.6.06

bluergh.

enough said my life sucks to the core.
this year i am missing from most of the family outings. i can't go kl, i miss the roti prata outing at night with the family and more outings from the past months. the last straw?
i can't even visit my grandparents in Pulau Bulang for god's sake!!! i've been like wanting to go there for years, YEARS! and i can't go because of some teacher's training which is on the 15, 16 and 17 june!
1..2..3....
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
*tears hair*
i miss the kampung life. i really do. i miss the house that is built above the sea. i miss the smell of the sea. i miss shitting in the toilet and seeing the fishes eating my shit. i miss fishing using a thin stick with a measly string tied at the end with bread as bait.
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!
ok enough.
been listening to bands such as Hole, Snow Patrol, Keane, Rooney, The Strokes (of course man!!!) and so much more. such songs that makes me wonder into space. look into space. and just look. into space.
like that lor. nowadays.
god i feel like tearing my hair again. to make things worse?
I HAVE EXAM TOMORROW.
im loving it. bah.

:: she posted @ 5:35 AM ::

5.6.06

. . .

life is mundane.
work is fine.
but life is still mundane.

save me from myself.
drowning pool.
black lines of water.
decreasing excitement.

life is.
afterall, death.

:: she posted @ 5:58 AM ::